The Newly-Wed Show: Weiss Kruez Style!
by kurotenshi
Summary: The Newly-Wed Show: Weiss Kruez Style. o_O;;; The couples are: Ran x Ken, Omi x Nagi, and Schuld x Brad, I'll let you see who the Host, Vanna White Chick, and others are for yourself. Shounen-Ai / Yaoi,


Disclaimer: Me not own Weiß Kruez, me don't usually speak in third person either.  
  
  
  
  
"Welcome to the Newly-Wed Show! I'm your host, Kudou Yohji! And ladies." Wiggling of the eyebrows from Yohji's part.  
"I'm single .. and lonely. Now, onto the show! Our first couple is, Ran Fujimiya and Ken Hidaka!" Dragged along in rope,  
Ken was waving to the audience, dragging Ran along, who didn't look quite happy, but then again, he never did. Freeing  
himself, Ran gave Ken the deathglare "....." Yohji blinked. "Well .. damn. And you two hook up behind my freakin' back?"  
Ken smiled and hugged Ran. "He loves me! He always has, he's just too shy to admit it." Ran looked at him, then at the  
camera, then back at Ken. "Shi'ne." Raise of the Katana. "See? My Ran-kun wuvs me ..." Ran wasn't all too pleased either.  
"Okay then ... our second guests are ... Nagi Naoe and Omi Tsukiyono, also known as, BISHOUNEN!" A scream was  
heard from the back of the curtain, "I AM NOT A FREAKIN' BISHOUNEN ...." And the two lovers came out onto the  
stage, Omi of course, glomping Nagi, giving off a death glare. "Surrreee you're not." Nagi just was clueless, and shut up  
like a good Schwarz. "Our next and last team is ... awh for the love of women and their naked bodies ... Schuldig and Brad  
Crawford of Schwarz." Rolling of zee eyes from Yohji. "Wow, what a lovely studio this is ... " Schuldig was obviously  
amused by the chairs. "Indeed, anyways, let's get this the fuck over .. I have an appointment with Takatori in an hour .."  
"TAKATORI?! SHI'NE !!" Ran uplifted from his chair, wielding the HOLY KATANA -- !! "....Shut up, pussy." Ken  
grunted. "RAN, SIT YOUR PRETTY LITTLE ASS DOWN RIGHT FUCKING NOW BEFORE I USE IT AS A SOCCER  
BALL." Ran obeyed. "Now, let's get started, jesus fucking christ almighty...."  
  
  
"Ken, on your honeymoon, what did you want to Ran do, if there was something he left out?"  
Ken blinked, thinking for a minute. Ran quickly wrote down what he thought.  
"Ken, what is your answer?"  
"Erotically having soccer sex ...."  
"What did you say Ran?"  
Ran raised the sheet to only say, 'SHI'NE TAKATORI'  
"Incorrect. Minus twenty points."  
After that, Ken kicked Ran, and growled. "QUIT IT WITH THE TAKATORI SHIT"  
  
"Now, Omi, on your honeymoon with Nagi, what would you want him to do, something that didn't happen that is?"  
Omi smiled, knowing. Nagi wrote down quickly.  
"Now, what's the answer, Bishounen?"  
"Having Nagi lube up before anal sex."  
"........That's lovely Omi, thanks for sharing. What is it Nagi?"  
Nagi raised the sign to say, 'Lubing up before anal fucking'  
"Correct! Plus twenty points!"  
Omi smiled towards Nagi, and lovingly held his hand.  
  
"Schuldig, on your honeymoon, if Brad could do anything else, what would you want him to do."  
Schuldig thought for a moment. Brad wrote down.  
"What is it Schuldig, and for the love of women and their nude bodies, please have it something that isn't too gay!"  
"Oh, all I wanted him to do was suck off the chocolate from my ..."  
"NO MORE, DON'T CONTINUE"  
"Brad what is it, and please keep it sane ..."  
"You're implying that you want me to miss out on twenty points."  
"Shut the fuck up and tell everybody what the card says."  
Brad raised his card to say, 'Have sex with Farfello.'  
"... YOU HAVE SEX WITH FARFIE?!"  
"Of course not Schuld. Relax."  
".....Just for that, I'm throwing away your Sailormoon DVDs and DVD player"  
"...."  
"Incorrect, minus twenty points."  
  
  
"Ran, if there was anything your lover could do to make you much much happier, what would it be?"  
Ran thought, and then decided. Ken wrote it down, happier than hell.  
"Ran, your answer?"  
"Killing the Takatori's, giving me more money, and shut the hell up."  
Ken looked aghast, and rather white too ...  
"Ken? Your answer?"  
Ken raised the card to say, 'Killing the Takatori's and playing more soccer'  
"....I'll give it twenty points out of the possible fourty."  
  
  
"Nagi, if there was anything your lover could do to make you much much happier, what would it be?"  
Nagi thought, as did Omi, before quickly writing it down.  
"Nagi, your answer."  
"Lubing up before anal sex."  
Omi revealed the card to say, 'Lubing up before anal sex.'  
"Correct .... fourty points."  
Nagi held Omi's hand lovingly.  
  
  
"Brad, if there was anything your lover could do to make you much much happier, what would it be?"  
Brad knew it from the start. Schuldig wrote down quickly.  
"Brad, your answer, please?"  
"Gangbang me with Farfie."  
"...." Schuldig revealed his card to say, 'Pour chocolate on his ..... next time and have me lick it off.'  
"YOU LOVE FARFIE MORE THAN ME!"  
"Of course I don't .."  
"Incorrect, minus fourty points."  
  
"Now, for a switch. We're going to ask you things about your partner, the one I ask writes down, the  
other speaks. Got it couples?" The couples nodded. "Now, what's our score Asuka?" Asuka blinked  
and growled. "In bed or gameshow? AND IT'S NEU, GODDAMNIT, NEU !!" Yohji grinned. "Both."  
"The bed is right about to oral sex, and the gameshow, so far, Nagi and Omi are in the lead, followed  
by Ran and Ken, in last is Brad and Schuldig." Yohji smirked, the couples looked disgusted.  
  
  
"Ken, what are Ran's favorite things?"  
Ken smiled knowing and writing it down. Ran growled.  
"Ran, what are they?"  
"Killing Takatori's, money, Aya-chan, and roses."  
"Ken? Speak boy, speak."  
Ken showed the card to say, 'Money, Aya-chan, Takatori's deaths, and roses.'  
"Correct! Sixty points!"  
Ken nuzzled Ran affectionately.  
Ran didn't give a damn.  
  
  
"Bishounen, what are Nagi's favorite things?"  
Omi wrote down, Nagi grinned.  
"Nagi?"  
"Not lubing up before anal sex, and don't call Omi a bishounen."  
Yohji blinked. "Omi?"  
Omi put on the card everything Nagi said.  
".....QUIT USING YOUR PSYCHOPATHIC POWERS AND QUIT CHEATING"  
"Fine, fine."  
"Minus thirty points."  
  
  
"Schuldig, what are Brad's favorite things?"  
Schuldig wrote, Brad grinned.  
"Brad?"  
"Schuldig and murdering."  
Schuldig smiled happily. "REALLY?"  
Schuldig revealed his card to say, 'Schuldig and murdering'  
"Correct. Sixty points."  
  
  
"Last question. Ran, if you had a chance would you fuck Ken stupid right now?"  
"....."  
"Well, would you koi?"  
"........"  
"I take that as a no ..."  
  
  
"Nagi, if you had a chance would you fuck Omi blind right now?"  
"....What the hell do you think I'm doing right now?"  
Of course, Omi was on Nagi's lap .... and Nagi wasn't lubed either.  
"....................."  
  
  
"Brad if you had a chance would you fuck Schuldig so hard he wouldn't know left from right, right now?"  
"....Hell no."  
"....WHY NOT?! YOU DO LOVE FARFIE DON'T YOU?!"  
".... No. You're putting words in my mouth. I just don't think it's appropriate to be having sex on television."  
"....You hate me."  
"Whatever."  
"No comment."  
  
  
"Our winners are ...Ran and Ken! As their prize, they win a trip to Bermuda!"  
Ken's eyes glazed over as he squirmed into Ran's lap.  
"And you also win what's behind door number one!"  
Ken and Ran leapt off, and went to see what was behind the door.  
It was none other than .... THE VICIOUS RABID *DUNDUNDUUN* SCHOENE.  
Schoene leapt and tackled Ken to the ground, punching his face and strangling  
him with her whip thingy. Ran laughed, and then kicked Schoene off, because  
she was going into Ken's pants after that, and we all know, that's RAN'S property  
and territory.  
  
  
"Second place goes to ... Nagi and Omi! Go see what's behind door number two!"  
So they did, and to their surprise, they found Tot. Who wasn't quite happy neither.  
"Nagi! You left me on that cherry tree branch stranded! And then I saw you doing  
unhappy things to that Weiss boy! SEE, THERE HE IS! You love him more than  
Tot!" Nagi grinned and nodded. "Sure do, babe."  
  
  
"Third and last place goes to Brad and Schuldig! Door number three is all yours!"  
They went to the door, and opened it up to see .......  
A NAKED Farfello and Hel, with only Sailormoon porno as their clothes. Brad  
drooled. "........" was Schuldig's response.  
  
  
"YOU BASTARDS, YOU UGLY THIEVING BASTARDS, YOU'RE TAKING MY BRAD AWAY FROM ME, HOW  
DARE YOU BITCHES!" Schuldig was busy kicking Farfello's ass, while Brad and Hel were busy fucking away. Omi  
and Nagi were busy fucking on camera, with Tot assaulting Omi with a plushie of Nagi. But then, Omi and Nagi had  
a change of heart, and then gangbanged Tot. She liked that. Ran and Ken started making out, but first, Ran killed  
the camera man, mistaking him for a Takatori. Schoene was busy making sweet sweet love with Neu, who was later  
fucked by Yohji and Schoene together. The end. 


End file.
